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Stop messing with my head, 

Or come and make a mess on my bed.

F.

Era tutto più bello quando per me eri solo uno straniero, l'amico dei miei amici che festeggiava il suo compleanno, che provava il mio cappello...

Ed io che ti guardavo tipo "Quant'è felice, magari avessi anch'io una festa di compleanno così".

O quegli strani momenti, silenziosi, che tu giocavi coi miei capelli, ed io tipo "Ma questo che cazzo fa?"

O quel pomeriggio in cui avevo appena perso il lavoro e pianto, tu che senza sapere niente mi consolavi, mangiando una lecca-lecca e ascoltando The Weeknd. 

Era tutto così bello. 

Eri ancora uno straniero. 

Fino a quella sera. Quella festa. 

Non ti volevo vedere. Eppure sei arrivato. 

A scuotere il mio pianeta. 

A farmi sentire amata e desiderata...E ora? 

Non te ne frega un cazzo.

sparse thoughts.

Lascerò che il vento di montagna asciughi le mie lacrime. 

I've let my heart be stepped on by people who hid knives in their pockets. 

There are still people who glorify drugs and shame sobriety. That's the cancer of our society. 

Il popolo dice "mai giudicare un libro dalla copertina", io invece direi "mai comprare un libro prima di leggere le recensioni".

Every trace of blue hair has now faded, and with it so have all the memories we shared. 

The blue haired goddess is DEAD. 

social rant. [aug. 15th 2019]

I'm done with meme pages and people who enjoy roasting other people for their taste. This is so toxic. 

We already live in a world full of negativity, the nature is dying, racist and misogynistic people are running around doing harm, and what do some people do? They make memes about teenagers who have chosen to express themselves in different ways. 

They enjoy shaming girls and boys who dress a certain way, listen to a certain genre, go to certain places and just do things a certain way. 

Excuse me, but in a fucked up world like this what do you pretend? The people you are shaming have simply chosen a way to escape the negativity that surrounds them. They've chosen to create their own small world where they can feel safe and happy. And if this makes them feel good, leave them the fuck alone. 

Let me tell you that shaming other people doesn't make you any better. Before pointing your fingers towards someone, make sure you're clean yourself first. It's easy to judge, but it's not easy to overcome the consequences of bullying. 

You know how the saying goes : Live and let live!

Also, ever heard of minding your own fucking business? You should try it sometimes.

keep your head up.

No matter how much your heart gets broken, no matter how many friends disappoint you, no matter how bad things go. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP. 

Cause in the end, nobody gives a fuck about you more than you do.

Ode To Sleep inspo.

Sometimes I think of my demons as a bunch of inhumane beings that start dancing when the night comes.
And then start yelling at me, telling me I'm not good enough. I'll never be.
And then I start hating myself, feeling unlovable, undeserving, unable to find a proper life goal and chase it. 

But then I wake up. It's morning. The sun is shining. The birds are singing. Everything feels and looks okay.
I don't hear those voices screaming at me anymore.
I must have kicked them out. 

04.06.19

My mom called me. 

I was in the verge of a breakdown. 

She heard my voice cracking. 

"What's wrong with you now?".

"Nothing".

"You're just stressed about exams, don't worry honey. Go out and free your mind".

But the truth is, I'm lonely. 

I feel left out. No matter how much I try to convince my brain that my friends are simply busy, it won't listen.

"They've abandoned you. They've forgotten that you exist. They don't care. They never did".

And I guess I'll eventually believe those voices. 

100619

Trynna get through the day, 

Trynna go my own way, 

Trynna forget what happened yesterday 

And especially today. 

My heart is torn, 

Into million pieces, 

And the fault is my own, 

Cuz I'm the one that ruined it. 

I know I'm mean, 

I know I'm negative, 

But most of all, 

I know I never mean it. 

I never wanted to lose you, 

But I broke this with my own fucking hands, 

And now I miss you, 

But you are never coming back. 

And I don't deserve you, 

But my heart's aching day by day, 

And if I could say a last thing,

I'd beg you to stay. 

morning thoughts. [May 1st 2019]

My mind takes me to different places. Some are beautiful, some are ugly. Sometimes I'm alive, sometimes I'm dead. 

But all it takes is putting my hand on my chest to realize that there's a heart beating in there.

Friends? [April 24th 2019]

Friends come and go. Each one of them is a lesson. They teach you that nothing lasts forever. Everyone is temporary and no one is irreplaceable. And that's okay. I've got used to that. I've got used to being left out, sometimes even forgotten. Hell, I've even got used to being kept close just out of pity. 

And I hate when people feel sorry about me.

I am human and I need to be loved like a normal person. Despite the mess I am. Despite all the demons who live in my head. When they're asleep, I'm okay. I can function like any other being. But when they wake up, that's the person you wouldn't wanna meet. And some of you think I'm like that all the time. 

NO. 

I'm not depressed all the time. There are moments when I'm okay, as I already said. But I want to talk about mental health because it's normal. The more we talk about it, the easier it gets for everyone who's struggling. 

But that's not the point. The point is how I'm accepting that I'm just a drop in the ocean. I'm not important. I'm coming to terms with it. This way I'll learn not to expect anything from anyone.

I am used to loneliness. 

Time will heal. [June 2019]

Days ago you told me

"Eventually time will heal",

But I don't fucking know

If that shit ever will. 

Cuz every day that passes, 

I sit alone in here, 

While trying too hard, 

To hold back my fucking tears. 

And my heart's still aching, 

For everything that I've lost, 

I'm tired of living, 

I've turned myself into a ghost. 

I've lost some of the people, 

That I thought loved me the most, 

Apparently this world hates me, 

I'm an asshole and it shows. 

Maybe love isn't for me.

Maybe I wasn't meant to be loved. Maybe mother Nature had other plans when she created me, and feeling loved wasn't one of them.

That's why I keep suffering. I'll suffer until I die. I will walk the streets with blood dripping from my heart. With tears dripping from my eyes. That's what my life is now. 

Who knows? Maybe I'll die and none will show up in my funeral. Hahahaha. Funny right? Funny how my life is like.

Maybe death is the only choice. We'll all die someday after all.